Over the past few years, I've received many requests to start a blog. These requests mostly come on the tail-end of (what some consider to be) funny musings, observations and criticisms on Facebook. I can't say I'm entirely sure why I'm starting this, and I hope I can find the time to continue. Actually I hope to continue to find inspiration in the events surrounding my time here on Earth; seems pretty nihilistic to question whether that's possible. Let's face it...if someone can't find enough inspiration in the wonder of this world to cobble together a few hundred words intermittently, they must be doing something wrong.
I probably haven't started a blog before because I always felt there was an inherent vanity or arrogance in it; could I, the product of a middle class Italian American family from New Jersey, possibly know more, know BETTER than someone else? When you believe you're an idiot, you believe anyone looking to you for anything but idiocy is an even bigger idiot!
So if you read this, and if you choose to return, accept it for what it is; it is a selfish act. I write this for myself. If you choose to listen, choose to come along for the ride, accept that this ride may go no where. It could end up in a ditch on the side of the road. It could end up in a wonderful personal nirvana or anywhere in between. I don't claim to know more than anyone else. I'm just me. And I see what I see, feel what I feel, and think what I think. At times I'll probably just lash out and a moronic act I've witnessed. At other times, I might be arrogant enough to share my own experiences with the notion that someone might learn from it.
That being said, my first blog will be about something that happened to me yesterday, and it's been happening a lot lately...
The view from the Bottom Rung
I guess by some standards I'm "successful". I put that in quotes because I feel it largely applies to my career and work persona (exploring THAT nugget may be for another time!). As a successful person, I get asked for career advice, which is basically someone asking me how they should orient themselves for their future; typically I'm asked by very junior people who are still close to the bottom of the corporate ladder. To me that translates into "how shall I spend the majority of my waking hours in my own limited time here on Earth? And how do I ensure that I don't do the wrong thing or regret it later on?"
Two days ago, a very junior-level employee (let's call her Sharon) with whom I happen to have a rapport asked me for time on my calendar; we met yesterday. Of course I expected the "usual" from her; a diatribe about being under-appreciated, under-paid, under-valued, and so on. But very quickly the discussion turned into her asking me "how did you know this was what you wanted to do for the rest of your life?" Within a nano-second, I had a flashing montage through my mind of my life thus far, and some visions of what life might be like for the next (I hope) 4 or 5 decades; a universe of questions flooded over me..."IS this what I want to do for the rest of my life? Is it too late to change? What would I change to...???" What followed was an attempt by me to guide her, and in so doing, maybe found some comfort for myself.
There's a strange expectation, perhaps from watching too many John Hughes movies or some fabled idealism from the past, that people know what they want to do for the rest of their lives. Some do for sure. I think there are 3 kinds of people:
1. People who know from the womb what they want to do. I had a buddy in college who claimed that he wanted to be a doctor from the time he was 3; he's a doctor and he loves it.
2. People who have no idea what they want to do; they balk at the prospect of starting in a direction and being wrong, so they never quite get going. We probably all know people like that; they seem to drift with very little conviction or passion. As a result they ensure that they'll never feel complete or successful; exactly what they were trying to avoid
3. People who have no idea what they want to do, but somehow find...or CREATE...their own niche.
I'm definitely part of #3. I get the sense, or rather hope that most people are.
As I explained this to Sharon and saw the disappointment on her face. She came to me expecting words of surety, comfort and wisdom; 40 years old and in a very senior position, and I was basically telling her that I ended up where I am by a bit of random chance. But that's the truth. But here's the analogy I used with her:
Coast to Coast Road Trip.
So what makes for a really amazing coast to coast road-trip experience? Is it planned in intricate detail? Routes, mph, pre-planned food and rest stops? That sounds NOTHING like a fun road-trip to me. The point of a road trip is to delight in discovery and maybe learn a little along the way about what you like and what you don't. You figure out you like the desert? Steer south. You like mountains? Head towards Colorado. You like driving into sunsets? Make sure you go West.
The point I'm making (not so well) is, you discover, adjust, refine; and by the end you have created the best experience for YOU that you could. Did you maybe miss the sod house museum in Nebraska by immersing yourself in Southwestern culture in Arizona? Yep. Is it possible that, when finish your trip and dip your toes in the opposite coast's ocean, in retrospect, you missed something you would've really wanted to see? Absolutely; it's not only possible, it's highly likely.
A career has a beginning and an end; and it's important to say "career" and not "job". Because a career is an ever-changing and evolving thing; it may be a multi-decade trip through the same kinds of companies and jobs. But it may also lead you to and through tangential opportunities; there's nothing to say you can't start your career as an accountant and end up as a movie producer, whether deliberately or no.
The best I could share with Sharon was this: pay attention to the clues. Be introspective. Identify the positives. If not your industry, company, or job as a whole, what is it that makes you happy at the end of the day? These may be very small occasions, few and far between. But you must look in your rearview mirror, see what it was that made you smile, and use that to box your compass and steer towards. You liked planning an event for your clients? How about event planning or event marketing? You liked the compliments you got for your artistic contribution that made a presentation look amazing? Do that. You really like being wined and dined and exploring new foods? Be a food critic, blogger or just go work at an epicurean TV channel, magazine or website.
A key component to all this is, you HAVE to be actively involved in identifying these positives and steering your career towards them. It is by no means the responsibility of a company to find out what turns you on and have you do more of that. It may be to the company's benefit to have people aligned to positions that taps into employees' passions, but the likelihood of any company owning that process for the employee is extremely slim.
In the end, my discussion with Sharon had a couple of interesting results:
For Me
I know I'm lucky and in the minority in that I really love my job and love my company. Was it part of a grand plan from the womb? Not by a long-shot. When I was four I wanted to be a race car driver (still kind of do!)
By being exposed to a lot of "stuff"...most of which I hated, some of which I've loved, I've steered my career into a job that's more than "palatable". It allows me (at least some of the time) tap into my passions. I get to be creative, funny, serious; a mentor, and advisor, a writer, a debater and on rare occasions an artist of sorts and an amateur psychiatrist. That could sound like I ended up where I am by process of elimination; there's certainly an element of that. But living by Plato's "the life unexamined is not worth living", I've always felt that, for as long as I don't have a definite vision for what I want to do, I'm just going to make sure I take note of what I like and sail towards it. Sometimes there's a direct route, sometimes you need to tack into a head wind. But as long as you know where you want to go next, you'll get there.
I have no idea where or how my career will end. It could be in an office at my current company, or it could be dipping my toes into a distant body of water. What do I want to be when I grow up? Happy. Or at least as happy as I can be. It's my responsibility to make that happen. In the final analysis at the Pearly Gates, is it possible that St. Peter will say "You're an IDIOT! You would've been the greatest architect who every lived!!!" Yep. But I'll be able to tell him that I did the best I could and I smiled more than I frowned.
For Sharon
There's no solution; no answer. She has to actively manage her own journey. If she's not finding any moments of joy in her career, then maybe calling "do over" is the right thing and she should take some time off, think about what she wants to do, and re-boot her career along those lines.
Just knowing there's no answer will be a comfort for her. She confessed to feeling a bit like a "screw up" because she didn't know what she wanted to do. I pointed out the irony that I felt, and feel, the same way; but from her perspective I'm successful enough to seek career...and on some level...life advice. So if she acknowledges that she's on a journey and starts listening and refining, she'll achieve success by her own definition (whatever that may me). She will have regrets. She won't get it 100% right. But she'll hopefully ensure for herself that she'll smile more than she'll frown.
Wrapping Up
There are a few Sharons in my life, and I'm flattered that they come to me for advice. And I recognize the responsibility that comes with it and don't take it lightly. I also know that I'm the "Sharon" in a few other peoples' lives; they've been (in some cases unknowingly) the keys to my (alleged) success. I can't lie and say I go to work whistling a Disney tune very day; that whistling noise you hear may be air passing through an ulcer in my stomach! But probably 99% of the people on this planet go to work every day doing something they HAVE to do. In America, you have a choice. And as such, you owe it not only to yourself, but to that other 99% to do what makes you, and keeps you happy. And it seems that for many of us, "happiness" is not a destination; it's a journey you have to manage for yourself. -sjp.
